I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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