OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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