i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
