I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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