I am puke
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Less talking, more tequila
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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