It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
