...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
