I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
