Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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