haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
