We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
