I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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