My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
