there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
