Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I got chris browned last night
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
