does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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