the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
