i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
