Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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