Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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