take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
