so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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