so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
