How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
