We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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