i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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