morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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