Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
