i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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