when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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