we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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