i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
