I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
