hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
