i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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