Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
