i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
