I wish life had little blips of pornography
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
