I think im going to throw up on grandma
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
