If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He passed out mid-signature
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
