ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
