So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
