You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
