Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
