she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
