We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
BRING THE BAGELS
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
