forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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