Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
