Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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