i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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